First, we began by talking about code switching. This reminded me of the drive over to American University when my parents were moving me in. My sister came along, and was planning on interviewing for two possible babysitting jobs in DC (she was moving into DC in October). She happened to be pretty grumpy because we had already been driving for about 8 hours and was busy screaming at my mom. She suddenly received a call from one of her employers and instantly her voice rose 8 octaves and she sounded completely professional. I thought it was hilarious because she was busy screaming at my mom and then completely did a 18o when she had to talk to someone she needed to look good for. In this case, her code switching was a conscious decision to sound a certain way for a specific audience.
We later talked about nonverbal communication and what it meant between men and women. This made me think of something that I have been told as long as I can remember. I've heard from countless boys that "girls are hard to read" or we're never "direct" enough. I thought this was interesting because as we were talking about nonverbal communication, I started thinking how this may be true. Someone brought up the situation when girls go shopping and one tries on an ugly shirt and asks her friend if it looks good. The friend will sometimes tell her friend with the shirt that it looks good even if it doesn't, but add a view subtle hints that may let her friend know that the shirt isn't as cute as she had said, such as a change in tone or a raised eyebrow. In terms of guys, a girl may say there is nothing wrong when a guy asks her, but with nonverbal communication such as a slightly pained tone of voice, she may really be saying there is something wrong. I definitely feel that guys say how they really feel more than girls do. However, I do not think we are as complicated as many guys would think. If you look for nonverbal cues, it is easy to figure out what a girl truly means.
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ReplyDeleteI think that Olivia brings up an excellent point. Quite honestly, I believe that code switching is learned. For instance, whenever I speak to an elder or a superior, I raise my voice, just as your sister did, and address them very politely. When I am with my friends, I curse like a sailor. However, I don't think I would do this if the idea that you are supposed to respect your elders/superiors was drilled into me since I began to walk.
ReplyDeleteFrom your blog, it sounds like you were somewhat looking down upon her code-switching. I don't mean to attack you in any way - I'm merely curious. From the way that I read it, it seems as if you find it tragically comical that your sister had to use one tone of voice that was so different from the one she used when speaking to your mom. Don't you think it was necessary for her to make that switch from a familiar voice to a professional one? Do you find yourself code-switching and think, "Why am I doing this? There's no need to switch the way I speak." Again, I'm just curious!
To address the second part of you blog about the non verbal communication, I think it is so funny that you say girl are less direct than guys because my two male friends and I where having this conversation today. And it started off by them asking me why girls are so confusing. I was taken aback a bit because I felt like my answer was going to be a representation of females all over, so I started with a disclaimer that I do not consider myself confusing, so judging how some else acts, I really have no more clarity then them. Nonetheless I tried to provide an answer and the thing is girls truly to put a large emphasis on non verbal communication. One reason I think is that we look into things to much. For instance, I know my friend thinks holding hands with a guy is a big deal and a clear indication she likes him, but what if he saw you holding hands with a girl or a guy that was a friend, would it have the same meaning? So I think girls believe that certain non verbal acts are effective only because they are transmitting how they feel at that moment through them. Whereas most guys will say they like you and then hold your hand, putting less significance on the non verbal act.
ReplyDeleteSo I think that guys shouldn't have to look for non verbal clues because there is no universality among them for the most part. I think that girls should just say what they feel and be done with it especially in matters dealing with the opposite sex.
Although I definitely support non verbal communications in awkward situation where you need to communicate with a friend or put emphasis on an emotion. Basically don't just rely on non verbal.
Although I don't think you and Olivia were attempting to make contrary arguments, I do think that one view feeds into the other in a greater sense than has yet been recognized.
ReplyDeleteIn short, I think that code-switching is a conscious decision, albeit so commonplace that we often perform it at a near-subconscious level. It is, as you state, for the purpose of appealing to a certain audience. However, the exact signals to convey have a somewhat complex origin. I haven't done research on the matter, admittedly, but the general vocal tones and body language one chooses is based not only on their experiences, but on universal human psychology as well. That's not to say that everyone thinks the same way, but in evolutionary psychological terms, there are certain cues that humans react react to in a uniform manner. Shouting, pointing and waving in a manner denoting anger will likely be understood as such in any culture, regardless of whether you're speaking the local language. Such behavior, on an instinctual level, reminds us of primitive predatory signals, and we react in a repulsive and defensive manner. Even among modern humans, as mentally advanced as we seem to be, we still retain primordial interpersonal instincts.
Yet, on a functional level, the application of such signals is a reflection of the image we consciously wish to convey. In order to achieve our long-term goals, we formulate an image of the person our counterpart wishes to see, and attempt to behave and act along those lines. Your sister's actions are a clear example of this; however, the way you describe the communication methods of females displays the same principles. The majority of females wish to retain a civil and polite demeanor, even when among comfortable company, and even to the point of concealing their true opinions in lieu of more subtle signals, or none at all.
As a whole, our attempts to master signals have a common ingrained source, yet they manifest due to societal norms.